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Nowhere was this more apparent than in the early days of the Pick Up community, when people assumed that one of the secrets of success with meeting women is to “peacock”; that is, dress up in exotic or even outlandish ways in order to get attention.
Suddenly, you couldn’t swing a dead cat in a bar without hitting someone trying to rock a fuzzy top-hat and black nail polish or a shiny silk jacket, spiky earrings and New Rock boots.
You’re not getting any responses from your online dating profile. Over the years I’ve seen these issues crop up again and again; I’ve seen them in friends, in the letters I’ve gotten as Dr.
and until I took the time to recognize this and actually address these issues, I was going to get better.
Your negative attitude will seep into Breaking negativity can be difficult; it takes time and effort to willfully decide to take a positive attitude and belief and stick to it. Just ask yourself: would you rather a world where everything confirms your worst fears or your fondest fantasies?
There’s a reason why “just be yourself” is one of the most annoyingly useless advice cliches out there.
The longer this goes on, the more you’re becoming convinced more than ever that this whole dating/sex/talking to other people thing is something that do and you’d be better off weighing the pros and cons of a monastic life of quiet desperation and a poetic death via alcoholism interspersed with self-pitying and slightly arch animated gif parades on Tumblr or women being bitches or any number of other things I told myself to explain my failures away.
If you believe no woman could possibly find you attractive, you will elide over all evidence to the contrary – women flirting with you, giving you the “come-hither” stare or even just smiling at you – and focus like a laser on every incidence of negativity.
You will see every interaction in the worst possible light: “she doesn’t like me, she’s clearly repulsed by me, she’s only being polite, I’m misreading the signals” This apparently unending stream of reinforcement will only serves to perpetuate a vicious cycle; your self-limiting beliefs cause you to overlook evidence to the contrary, thus reinforcing the belief which, in turn, continues to make it impossible to see the truth. Believing in yourself – that you’re attractive, that you have a lot to offer others, that you can you.
After all, it’s likely that “being yourself” hasn’t exactly gotten you to where you want to be. When we look at people who have something we want – whether it be material success, a skill or talent or even just a hot girlfriend – it’s only natural to try to be more like them.
Whatever they’ve got going for them worked for them… And after all, whatever you’ve been doing hasn’t exactly been working out for you so far.