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If [my husband] met someone he wanted to see more seriously than his girlfriend, what's to say we couldn't get a bigger house and all live together?
"I don't take him for granted because I know he's choosing to be here and one day he might choose to not be here.
With so many people to consider, this lifestyle is not about lots of sex so much as lots of scheduling.
It is important that each member of a relationship group is clear about expectations and gets as much time with their lovers as they want.
She says she is open to whatever the future may hold.
"The thing with poly is there are no straight answers for anything.
The supermarket shopping is left up to Joe, Karl tends to help with the housework and we all look after the kids."Each partner fulfills different needs for Mia, a feature of polyamory that is often cited as an advantage."Joe is very introverted but has the heart and soul of a philosopher.
He is intelligent and the conversations we have are out of this world.
She lives with her husband *Joe, their two children and her partner *Karl on Auckland's North Shore.
They had a stand-up argument at a cafe and haven't spoken since.
Now Sue insists on a strict schedule for Caleb's visits to Ana, and permission has to be sought for extra date nights.
And if someone else comes along, all parties need to know about it as soon as feelings have developed."If I meet someone I think is attractive, I can appreciate that openly and even share it without the guilt and negativity one might experience in a monogamous relationship," explains Samantha, who was once married to a man."People in monogamous relationships tend to feel entitled to their partner's time, body and feelings.
Just because you're boinking someone, you don't own them." Sipping a cup of tea as she chats, Ana, in her late 30s, says: "[With monogamy] you either have to exercise amazing self control or really hurt someone, and I don't have amazing self control. If you're in a traditional relationship you can't really go to your partner and say, 'I really wanna get it on with this person, is that okay?